The Season of Returning to Me

There are seasons in life where you’re constantly giving.

Giving your time.
Giving your energy.
Giving your patience.
Giving your heart.

And somewhere amongst all of that, you quietly disappear.

Thankfully, the girls have now been back at school for over a month, and I’m still so grateful for the return of our routine and the quiet it brings.

Now before anyone says, “Enjoy every minute, they grow up so fast” … I know.

I adore my girls.

But parenting isn’t something we were ever meant to do alone.

For three weeks my days revolved around keeping young minds away from screens and into life. We walked. We baked. We fossicked along the beach. We cooked together. We researched healthier lunchbox ideas and learnt about what actually goes into packaged food. 

It became less about making food and more about teaching.

We discovered that homemade fruit roll-ups only need three ingredients (plus four hours of patience in the oven!).

We baked gluten-free orange and poppy seed muffins, bliss balls, muesli bars, fresh hommus, and – our one exception to the gluten-free mission – pizza scrolls, because honestly, I couldn’t find gluten-free puff pastry and wasn’t about to make it from scratch!

Watching the girls become excited about eating food they’d made themselves was one of those unexpected parenting wins.

Then school returned.

And with it came something I hadn’t realised I’d been missing.

Quiet.

Those slow country mornings.

Meditation.

Birdsong.

Time to simply be.

It also gave me space to focus on my own health again.

Perimenopause has certainly arrived, and rather than fighting my body, I’m learning to understand it.

I’m discovering how insulin affects hormones, embracing cleaner eating, remaining alcohol-free, and adding in nutrients my body genuinely needs.

Who knew creatine wasn’t just for gym junkies?

Apparently middle-aged women need it too – for muscle preservation and even brain health.

The more I care for my physical wellbeing, the more I notice my mental health improves.

And when Mum feels better…

Everyone benefits.

 Life, however, has a funny way of balancing joy with challenge.

We recently welcomed Luna into our family.

A beautiful Red Kelpie cross Red Cattle Dog, Luna had spent the past year visiting our property while her owner (our carpenter), helped build our renovations.

The girls adored her.

When her family shared they were expecting their third child under three, I gently suggested that if life ever became too much with three little ones and three dogs, we’d happily give Luna a forever home.

Now she’s living her absolute best life.

Eighteen acres to explore.

Birds to chase.

Cuddles, paddocks and open skies.

It’s a dog’s paradise.

Our family now consists of two dogs, one cat, seven hens, four roosters… and one slightly lonely guinea pig.

Because life reminded us, once again, that joy and sadness often walk hand in hand.

On the very first morning back at school, we found our beloved guinea pig had quietly passed away.

That afternoon we discovered two of our hens had been taken by what we suspect was a fox.

Three little lives gone in one day.

Nature can be breathtakingly beautiful.

And incredibly heartbreaking.

Through it all, something else has been quietly unfolding.

Prana Estate.

After months, perhaps years, of wondering whether I was heading in the right direction, things suddenly began to move.

We painted the entrance fence.

Installed new Prana Estate Wellness signs.

Added directional signs to Prana Cottage.

Then I finally listened to my intuition.

I listed Prana Cottage online.

Within 24 hours we received our first Stayz booking.

The next day, another.

Our very first guests stayed and left a glowing 10/10 review along with the most heartfelt email saying they couldn’t wait to return.

And then the bookings just kept coming.

What started with one booking has, in the space of only a couple of weeks, turned into a calendar filling with people choosing to come and stay here.

Couples celebrating anniversaries.

Friends escaping the city.

People coming to explore the Hunter Valley.

People simply wanting somewhere quiet to stop for a while.

And I can’t quite explain how lovely it feels to welcome people into this space we’ve created.

To know that other people get to wake to the bellbirds.

See the kangaroos grazing.

Sit by the fire.

Walk the property.

Look up at a sky full of stars.

And experience, even if only for a night or two, some of the quiet that drew us here in the first place.

But perhaps the most meaningful moment came through a phone call.

A woman found me through the Prana Estate website.

She’s exhausted.

Giving everything she has to life and reaching the point of burnout.

She wasn’t looking for a scheduled retreat or a group experience.

She needed something just for her.

A bespoke, one-to-one retreat where she could step away from everything, regulate her nervous system, rest and be supported.

And suddenly, I could see the pieces coming together.

The cottage.

The land.

The wellness work.

The Breathwork.

The quiet.

The vision I’ve carried for Prana Estate.

All meeting in one place.

Because perhaps Prana Cottage isn’t simply somewhere to stay.

Perhaps for some people it will be somewhere to stop.

To exhale.

To be looked after for a change.

To remember themselves.

The new signs have already brought someone through our gates, curious about what Prana Estate Wellness was all about. That conversation led to a property tour, interest in staying at the cottage and discussions about potentially hosting an event for more than twenty people.

A beautiful soul I met years ago at a drum-making retreat also reached out asking whether I hired the property for retreats.

Another tour.

More conversations.

Ideas exchanged.

And another retreat now booked for November.

Stayz.

Airbnb.

Riparide.

Retreats.

Wellness.

People are finding us.

And what excites me most is that they’re finding us for different reasons, yet somehow it all connects.

Renting the cottage was never part of my original vision.

But perhaps it was always part of the journey.

Because those bookings don’t just pay bills.

They slowly build the dream.

Every person who stays here helps me reinvest into this land and move a little closer towards the future I imagine for Prana Estate.

A place where people reconnect.

Rest.

Heal.

Breathe.

And maybe, like me, return to themselves.

Perhaps the greatest gift over these past few weeks, though, has been reconnecting with Oliver.

Marriage changes.

Parenthood changes us.

Grief changes us.

Sometimes we forget who we were before life became so full.

Oliver admitted something that surprised me.

He misses the city.

The restaurants.

The cafés.

The ocean.

So rather than spending hours driving backwards and forwards every week, we decided he’d occasionally stay in Newcastle after work.

Last week I joined him.

We wandered the foreshore at sunrise.

I walked along Darby Street.

Browsed the shops.

Stopped for a cheeky coffee, or two.

Shared a beautiful dinner where someone else cooked for us.

And for perhaps the first time in a long time…

We had an uninterrupted conversation.

Just the two of us.

Looking into each other’s eyes.

Remembering us.

Parenting is beautiful, but it’s also relentless.

Between school runs, homework, cooking, cleaning, working, caring for animals, running businesses, managing homes and trying to keep everyone emotionally afloat…

Somewhere in there we’re expected to nurture a marriage too.

No wonder so many couples struggle.

Our youngest has been battling nightmares for almost three years after accidentally seeing something far too frightening at a birthday party.

We’ve surrendered our bedroom.

Sleep has become precious.

Privacy has disappeared, as we’ve chosen to have her sleep with us at night to help calm her nervous system. It’s reduced her nightmares, but she is still often scared at night.

Because sometimes survival looks different from the picture-perfect version of family life.

Sometimes the healthiest decision is simply choosing rest.

 

As I write this, I can feel something shifting.

Not because life has become easier.

It hasn’t.

There are still challenges.

Still uncertainty.

Still moments where everything feels overwhelming.

But there’s movement.

Momentum.

Hope.

And perhaps, finally, a little confirmation that the vision I’ve been holding onto for Prana Estate is finding its own way forward.

Not necessarily in the way I originally imagined it.

But maybe that’s the point.

Perhaps that’s what happens when we stop trying to force life and simply begin listening to where it’s quietly leading us.

For me, that place continues to be Prana Estate.

If you’re reading this feeling tired…

If you’re carrying everyone else…

If you’ve forgotten what quiet feels like…

Know that you’re not alone.

Sometimes all we need is one slow morning.

One walk.

One conversation.

One night away.

One deep breath.

Sometimes that’s enough to remember ourselves again.

And perhaps…

that’s where healing truly begins.