The Gift of Presence: Three New “Firsts” in Midlife
This past month has been one of firsts for Olly and I.
Our first holiday without alcohol. Our first wedding anniversary dinner (eighteen years!) without alcohol. And our first party at home, with our lovely new local friends, without alcohol (for us).
For most of my adult life, a drink was simply part of the script for moments like these. A celebration meant a toast. A holiday meant a cocktail by the pool. A party meant a glass in hand to celebrate.
So I’ll be honest: I wondered how it would feel. Would it be awkward? Flat? Would we miss it?
It was the complete opposite. We didn’t miss a thing. In fact, we felt more of everything.
What changes when you stop numbing the edges
We are healthier than ever, and going alcohol-free has rippled through our whole life.
Sleep is better. Mood is better. Our marriage is better.
Conversations and connection with Olly are better. There’s less anger, less irritability, less crankiness and less attitude. Less stress and less drama. And in their place? More love. More heartfelt, authentic moments. More of the memories that actually stick, because we were fully there for them.
For those of us in perimenopause, sleep is gold. For me, no alcohol and better sleep go hand in hand, and when you’re sleeping well, everything else gets a little easier.
Here’s something I’ve only recently realised: once you fall into the pattern of prioritising your health, it becomes so much easier. And once you start to feel really good, you want to protect it.
Now, when I’m making a choice, I find myself asking a different question: does this protect how good I feel?
A sober holiday full of adventures and firsts
We took the family away to Byron Bay, and I’ll treasure it. We tried new things, like surfing. We had family adventures. We got well out of our comfort zones, and we created memories that will last a lifetime.
The best part? I remember every moment of it.
Eighteen years in: the love, the work and the date nights we still need
Eighteen years of marriage brings its own patience, love, compromise, personal growth and transformation. We’ve supported each other through the hard times, and celebrated the great successes. We’ve walked through grief and the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with losing family members. (I wrote about that in Grief, Healing & the Space to Feel.)
We’ve worked at it, as best we could, within the capacity we had at the time. We are by no means perfect, far from it. But we are two dedicated souls who love each other unconditionally and who will give, and take, honest feedback when it’s needed.
There is one thing we both know we need to get better at: making time for date nights and opportunities to reconnect without the kids. When you have a family, it’s so easy to slip into functional mode. Running errands. Syncing calendars. Existing within a household. But time together, just the two of you, is imperative.
And to Olly: date nights are coming for you!
Why I’m travelling solo for the first time since 2019
At this stage of life, I’ve realised I need adventure, and I need solitude. I suspect we all do.
Time on my own, with no one to answer to, nobody to take care of and no mental list humming away day and night. After talking it through with Olly, we agreed that solo adventures matter, for both of us.
Before the kids, we explored constantly, and we loved every minute. Travel offers so much more than a change of scenery: the thrill of the unknown, a restaurant so hidden only the locals know it, a conversation held in sign language and laughter. But going alone gives you something more: a connection with yourself. Your own compass, your own voice, making every decision without considering anyone else. And an achievement that has nothing to do with ticking sights off a list.
So when was the last time you travelled on your own? Made every decision, from start to finish, with no one to please but yourself?
For me, it’s been years. The last time was in 2019, when I returned to Bali during my recovery from my dark night of the soul, which had begun in Bali only a few months earlier.
So I booked myself into a 10-day retreat in Sri Lanka for early next year. On my own, and I can’t wait! Olly has booked an adventure of his own in New Zealand. The simple act of choosing something purely for yourself is powerful, and we’ve both done it.
My retreat won’t leave time to explore the rest of Sri Lanka, and that’s okay. What I’ll have is space to refill my cup, so I can keep serving others through my offerings at Prana Estate.
Time alone isn’t selfish. It’s how we come home more present for the people we love: more connected to ourselves, a little more evolved, and ready to meet life with a different lens and a fresh perspective.
Closer to 50 than 40, and not old at all
I turned 46 last month, which means I’m now closer to 50 than I am to 40. Funnily enough, every time I drive past an “over 50s living” complex, I gasp.
Then I catch myself. Society has a way of labelling the over 50s as old, and that quiet expectation slowly programs the subconscious, until we start telling ourselves that we feel and look old.
So no, I won’t be gasping next time, or allowing my mind to believe I’m old. I simply am not. I’ll smile, because I feel young in mind and body, and I intend to keep living a healthy lifestyle so I’m around for a lot longer than my dad was. He passed away at 63, far too young in my eyes.
A moment from the Breathwork room
One of the best parts of this month was a session with a new client.
She grew up with a controlling and abusive mother, and carried patterns of unworthiness into midlife. Deep down, her subconscious believed she wasn’t good enough, and she couldn’t allow herself to fully trust herself.
Breathwork doesn’t erase the past. But in her session, it created space for her to recognise that her mother’s actions had nothing to do with her, and that she was never in the wrong as a child. She saw it from a completely different perspective, and in that space she felt herself taking control of her own life back. She described a sense of freedom she hadn’t felt in a very long time, and she was so grateful to feel lighter. She noticed a shift in how she carried herself, in her thoughts and in her actions.
It was beautiful to witness.
Moments like that are exactly why I created Prana Estate in the first place.
The thread through it all
Looking back over the month, the common thread running through it all is presence. Three sober firsts. A marriage that feels closer. A solo adventure on the horizon. A client finding her freedom. When we stop numbing, rushing and people-pleasing, we get ourselves back, and the people we love get the real us.
I’d love to know: where in your life are you craving more presence?
If you’d like a little of that for yourself, take a free 4-minute breathing practice to help your body come down. Press play, drop your shoulders, and let the day go for a few minutes.
With love, Camilla 🤍
